Dear Adel,
Soon I will have to change the title of the blog and how I start my posts.. You will be a big brother and I have to be fair and give the attention to both of you equally.
Today we went to IKEA and to my surprise I bumped into my old friend from work. I was completely happy to see her. It was the first time I have seen her since we last met about 2 years back. Seeing her made me think of who and where I am now. Well I have completely changed if you ask people around me but somehow deep down I still feel that I am the me that I was then only thing is that I am a little toned down these days. To be quite honest, I am holding back on some of the things that I want to do. I would tell others and myself included that I am doing this because I want to take care of my kids. With all honesty there is some truth to that but at the same time I do feel that I am using it as an excuse to get out of my comfort zone and challenge myself more.
I always hoped to be stronger emotionally, physically and mentally but the first step is always hard. It is harder when you explain yourself to someone in the hopes that they could boost up your morale but only later to find out that the other person just don't get it. so my support system at the moment is you and the little baby in the tummy. I have got to take a better care of myself in order to be able to take better care of both of you. I have to challenge myself each day and push myself to be the glue of the whole puzzle and somehow keep things going and running.
Lets tackle one thing at a time, okay? Lets deal with how I am going to get things organized in the house and then we will move on to the next things. I hope I get the help from you and your dad both. It is rather frustrating every time that I manage to clear a part of the house, it gets cluttered back when I move on to organizing the next part of the house. De-cluttering the house begins now, and we will have an awesomely organized home by the time the baby is here. InsyaAllah. Make doa for me please.
Next issue I have to tackle is the time management issue. We have got to have some sort of time table for our day to day stuff. I have 24 hours in a day but somehow it seems like it is not enough. This can't be right? I am not even working! So yes, we are going to be more discipline in our time management. Less television and more reading. I am even falling far far behind in my arabic classes. Owh, that was the main reason we went to IKEA today to get me a study table, some sort of sanctuary for me and only me to study. I hope it works. It has to work. I have to achieve something! I do hope you will learn to play on your own soon but the last time that happened I do feel a bit sad looking at how grown up you are and soon you won't need me as much anymore. I always hope that I will be a choice for you to turn and talk to about things that excite you, things that bring you down and even about your dreams. I will try my best to listen and get on with the whole household chores.
this is not much of a story for you, it is more of a rant on my part. I just need to let it out of my chest. So , meeting up with my friend definitely made me think of what if I did not quit? what if I took a different path? what if I fought for things that I really want rather than putting myself in the backseat most of the time. What if this and what if that. Then, I came to a conclusion that I should not bother dwelling in the past so much. I can't change any of it. It's done and I need to move on. Just remember the mistakes that were made and try not to repeat them again. Its the here and now that determines the future. What I make of today will develop the me of the future. believe in Qada and Qadar. We shall have to strive for something if it is for us then He shall give it but if it isn't, it is okay. It is He who is the best planner and we just have to have faith in Him. He will also not burden us with something that we can't handle, so hang on and fight. Somehow you manage to do something with ease, say Alhamdulillah and know that He was there to make it easier for you.
Hope to write again soon.
Lots of love,
Mama
Soon I will have to change the title of the blog and how I start my posts.. You will be a big brother and I have to be fair and give the attention to both of you equally.
Today we went to IKEA and to my surprise I bumped into my old friend from work. I was completely happy to see her. It was the first time I have seen her since we last met about 2 years back. Seeing her made me think of who and where I am now. Well I have completely changed if you ask people around me but somehow deep down I still feel that I am the me that I was then only thing is that I am a little toned down these days. To be quite honest, I am holding back on some of the things that I want to do. I would tell others and myself included that I am doing this because I want to take care of my kids. With all honesty there is some truth to that but at the same time I do feel that I am using it as an excuse to get out of my comfort zone and challenge myself more.
I always hoped to be stronger emotionally, physically and mentally but the first step is always hard. It is harder when you explain yourself to someone in the hopes that they could boost up your morale but only later to find out that the other person just don't get it. so my support system at the moment is you and the little baby in the tummy. I have got to take a better care of myself in order to be able to take better care of both of you. I have to challenge myself each day and push myself to be the glue of the whole puzzle and somehow keep things going and running.
Lets tackle one thing at a time, okay? Lets deal with how I am going to get things organized in the house and then we will move on to the next things. I hope I get the help from you and your dad both. It is rather frustrating every time that I manage to clear a part of the house, it gets cluttered back when I move on to organizing the next part of the house. De-cluttering the house begins now, and we will have an awesomely organized home by the time the baby is here. InsyaAllah. Make doa for me please.
Next issue I have to tackle is the time management issue. We have got to have some sort of time table for our day to day stuff. I have 24 hours in a day but somehow it seems like it is not enough. This can't be right? I am not even working! So yes, we are going to be more discipline in our time management. Less television and more reading. I am even falling far far behind in my arabic classes. Owh, that was the main reason we went to IKEA today to get me a study table, some sort of sanctuary for me and only me to study. I hope it works. It has to work. I have to achieve something! I do hope you will learn to play on your own soon but the last time that happened I do feel a bit sad looking at how grown up you are and soon you won't need me as much anymore. I always hope that I will be a choice for you to turn and talk to about things that excite you, things that bring you down and even about your dreams. I will try my best to listen and get on with the whole household chores.
this is not much of a story for you, it is more of a rant on my part. I just need to let it out of my chest. So , meeting up with my friend definitely made me think of what if I did not quit? what if I took a different path? what if I fought for things that I really want rather than putting myself in the backseat most of the time. What if this and what if that. Then, I came to a conclusion that I should not bother dwelling in the past so much. I can't change any of it. It's done and I need to move on. Just remember the mistakes that were made and try not to repeat them again. Its the here and now that determines the future. What I make of today will develop the me of the future. believe in Qada and Qadar. We shall have to strive for something if it is for us then He shall give it but if it isn't, it is okay. It is He who is the best planner and we just have to have faith in Him. He will also not burden us with something that we can't handle, so hang on and fight. Somehow you manage to do something with ease, say Alhamdulillah and know that He was there to make it easier for you.
Hope to write again soon.
Lots of love,
Mama
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